Sometimes I really hate writing about this stuff because it brings me back to that place of loneliness, darkness, fear and feeling like I’m not good enough.
But then I remind myself of my why. Why I started doing this blog in the first place which is to inspire others writing about my mental health journey, fitness and nutrition. Because I don’t want you to feel alone if you are going through a bad mental health day, or few days, weeks, months, etc. However long your journey is.
I also remind myself that I always want to keep it real with you guys because my life is not always as it seems. Healthy food, drinking the right amounts of water, cute pictures with my hair in a bun holding a coffee cup, smiling, working out doing yoga and living an amazing, happy, fulfilling life.
That isn’t the case and I want to show you both good and bad parts of my life because again, thats what this blog is all about.
My biggest fear is for you guys reading, to think “wow I must be doing something wrong, Raquel always has her shit together and feels great.”
I want you guys to think. “I am having a bad mental health day, but if Raquel can get through this then so can I, and I am going to try some of her tips or try some out on my own.” Or something along those lines.
So here it goes…
For the last few days, I have not felt like myself.
Like spent the last 3 nights crying myself to sleep because I felt so lonely, isolated and trapped within my own head.
These days do happen for me occasionally but I haven’t had anything last longer then a day in a long time so it kind of scared the crap out of me.
Usually I can notice the signs and symptoms and look within myself to figure out whats going on before it gets bad but this time I chose to ignore those signs for god knows what reason.
I honestly just felt like everyone was out having fun and living their lives where I was in bed, crying, in bed by 8 pm. I felt like no one cared to ask how I was doing or feeling and just kept digging myself a deeper hole.
Funny how the mind works when you are already in such a low state. It just tells you more and more hurtful, self-destructive thoughts that are not even true until you feel you cant bear the pain any longer.
Normally I am really good at letting all of these thoughts go and not reacting to them (the reason I meditate) but this time I just wasn’t thinking about that. I just fell in a downward spiral and my thoughts kept going out of control.
If you have or do suffer from an anxiety disorder or depression you will know what this feels like. And you will know it feels like it is never going to end.
Im sorry guys if I am not as positive and inspirational as usual, I have some positivity coming right away. Its just I’m still not in the best state of mind as I write this so I am being more real then ever. And I want to be honest about how I was feeling. You should never be ashamed of how you are feeling by the way.
I will tell you though, those feelings do not stay forever even if it feels that way. Even if that pain you are in is so uncomfortable and so dark. I am telling you, that you will get through it.
Wow I’m writing a blog post and giving myself a pep talk at the same time.
Anyways, there are a few things that I do when I am having a tough day or in this case a tough couple days, that help me out and shines some light.
1. Realizing that sometimes meditation, journalling and reading does not fix it right away.
Honestly healing from anxiety, depression or anything that you are going through takes time.
Healing will not happen overnight and that quote about healing not being linear… not a lie. You will have ups and downs, you will have bad days or weeks and that is okay.
This time around it was longer than a day, and I felt really frustrated that my usual morning, self-care routine did not fix it in an instant.
We have to realize that sometimes we have to practice it a few times before you start to feel better, or try something new, or just have a good, long, messy cry, or scream, yell, hit your pillow.
Sometimes self-care is NOT glamorous at all. Totally okay as well and trust me you will feel better when you let out all those built up emotions.
Over 3 days of feeling like crap I am finally feeling better after I meditated, journaled, read, drank water and ate healthy, did yoga, and I cried … a lot. Spent a lot of time in bed with no motivation to do anything but sleep, watched Netflix until I just had enough.
2. Which brings me to my second point. Reminding myself that I am in control of my own life always helps me pull myself out of a slump. Because it’s the harsh truth.
You can lay there and wait for something to happen to you, wait for someone ELSE to make you happy, or you can pull your shit together even if its hard and do something that will make you feel better.
Even if it takes time. You are in control and the only person that is going to make you happy is yourself.
So yesterday I pulled myself out of bed, went for a long walk/jog, blasted rap music because thats what I love to listen too, focused on being present and breathed through it.
I got back, felt so much better from getting fresh air and it felt amazing to move my body. I had a long, hot shower and then I got dressed (I spent a lot of time in pajamas), made myself tea and worked on my personal training course.
Doing things that make you feel good even when you don’t really feel like it is key.
3. Feeling your feelings
How many times does suppressing and pushing your feelings down and running from them actually work?
It may work for a period of time, but those feelings that you bury deep inside you and hide with booze, food, sleep, whatever your drug of choice is, will always come back to bite you. Most of the time they come back feeling even more painful.
Please, please, please don’t do that. Do not fight what you are feeling.
YES feeling your feelings is painful and uncomfortable but is the only way you are going to be able to heal properly.
You need to feel all of those feelings and love yourself during the process. And then let all of that go.
Get up and get those endorphins pumping!
Go for a walk outside (fresh air helps too), do yoga, dance, just blast some tunes and move your body!
Laying around, watching netflix is probably the only thing you want to do…. trust me i know.
But moving your body for a while can help you feel better.
5. Write it out or Talk it out
Having a solid support system or just one person that you love and trust and feel safe with is so important during these dark times.
Sometimes the whole reason I feel down is because I feel isolated and lonely, so having that person makes you feel less alone and can make a huge difference.
Even if you have to go see a therapist I suggest you do that. Professionals can help you dig through those feelings and emotions and help you better understand them.
Journalling or writing down all of your thoughts and feelings can be a good release as well.
For me I find journalling so therapeutic and looking at my thoughts from a different view helps me let them go.
6. This one sounds funny but, get your hands busy!
Im not even kidding, doing something with your hands helps you be in the present, and just feels good to be keeping your mind occupied.
Like if it’s punching a punching bag, colouring, again.. journalling, building a puzzle, or even building lego. It helps to focus on something outside of your mind.
Even better if you do it with a friend!
All of these tips I am giving you help me, and I am sharing that with you. These tips definitely should not be replaced by seeing a doctor or a professional.
If they do work for you, then as always… I am so so so happy to have helped you and given you some tips.
The biggest thing that healed me though was letting go and not fighting what I was feeling and thinking. Just letting them be as they are.
I spent many years fighting every bad thought, every bad emotion and it always left me back in a tangled, dark mess that frustrated me even further.
I don’t want that for you.
Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer literally changed my life because they talk about not fighting your feelings and being present and letting go. I will forever be thankful I stumbled on those books.
I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with love, peace and happiness!
I am going to go do some self-care now.